cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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