Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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