Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
