I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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