They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm getting married
To pizza
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
