Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
