I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
