I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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