Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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