Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
