Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
what day is it and did you see me today?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
