Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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