cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's just like the Real World with babies
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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