At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
