You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
