he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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