Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
