so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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