Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
