My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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