i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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