would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
