It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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