WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
