I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
