T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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