I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
