k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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