let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
