um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
