he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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