Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
