oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
