Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it was like eating out sand paper
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
