I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
