Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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