She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
