My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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