I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
