I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
