I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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