I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
