remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize