I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Your penis caused this!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
