no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
