what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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