you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
