I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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