I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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