just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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