I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
