You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
