In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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