I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
