u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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