i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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