Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
