i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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