I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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