WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
