Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
