Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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