i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
