I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Tell her she can't have a vagina
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
